Adapted from a Rattler article written by CELA Early Education Specialist and ECT, Sally Wilson.
Building meaningful relationships with autistic children starts with understanding each child's unique strengths, interests and ways of communicating. When educators begin here, they create the conditions for responsive teaching and rich learning.
A strengths-based approach starts by recognising what a child can do, what brings them joy and how they prefer to engage with the world. When educators build on these strengths rather than focusing on challenges, they create the foundations for trusting relationships and meaningful learning.
This approach aligns with The Early Years Learning Framework for Australia (V2.0, 2022) (EYLF), which encourages educators to recognise children's strengths, interests, capabilities and diverse ways of doing and being.
By understanding what each child enjoys, how they communicate and where they feel most confident, educators can create learning experiences that are engaging, meaningful and responsive.
Start with curiosity
Building strong relationships begins with getting to know each child as an individual.
What makes them laugh? What captures their attention? Which resources, people or places help them feel calm and secure? Who do they enjoy spending time with? How do they communicate when they're excited, curious or overwhelmed?
Families are invaluable partners in answering these questions. Before a child begins at a service, educators can invite families to share insights into their child's interests, strengths and preferred ways of communicating. Tools such as Reframing Autism's About Me template provide a simple and practical way to build this shared understanding and support a smoother transition into the service.
Observation is equally important. For children who communicate using fewer spoken words, eye gaze, gestures, body language, movement and play all provide valuable clues about what interests them and how they experience their environment.
Most importantly, educators can use these observations to shape the curriculum. When learning experiences reflect a child's interests and strengths, they send a powerful message: I see you. I value what matters to you.
Following the child's lead
Favourite toys, topics and activities are much more than preferred play choices. They can become the starting point for connection.
Some autistic children develop deep knowledge and enthusiasm for particular interests. Rather than redirecting these passions, educators can use them to create opportunities for conversation, shared play and learning with peers.
Connection doesn't require educators to take over the play or introduce new goals immediately. Sometimes the most powerful thing an educator can do is simply join in.
Watching with genuine interest, imitating what a child is doing, commenting on their play and offering support when needed helps build trust. These simple strategies are drawn from the Early Start Denver Model (ESDM), an evidence-based approach that uses responsive, play-based interactions to support children's learning and development.
Importantly, this also means letting go of assumptions about how children should play or communicate. Instead, educators become curious partners in play, learning alongside the child.
Joy is a powerful teacher
Play is at its most effective when it is enjoyable.
Moments of shared laughter, silliness and delight do much more than create happy memories. They strengthen relationships, encourage children to stay engaged for longer and create repeated opportunities to practise emerging skills.
Joy also creates opportunities for communication. A smile, a laugh, reaching for "more", clapping, jumping or making eye contact are all meaningful ways children express enjoyment and connection.
There is no single recipe for playful learning. Some children may enjoy songs, dancing or imaginative play, while others might delight in blowing bubbles, building towers to knock down, spinning hoops or exploring sensory experiences. The key is to discover what brings each child joy and build from there.
When children know an educator understands and respects the way they communicate, they are more likely to engage, explore and learn together.
Celebrate every step
Learning is rarely a series of giant leaps. More often, it is built through small moments of progress that deserve to be recognised.
Celebrating achievements; whether through a smile, a high-five, a thumbs-up or enthusiastic encouragement, helps children develop confidence and a positive sense of themselves as capable learners. Equally important is recognising children's unique strengths, interests and ways of being, not just the milestones they achieve.
Creating environments where every child belongs
A strengths-based approach extends beyond individual interactions. It is reflected in the environments educators create every day.
Having favourite educators available, providing preferred resources and ensuring familiar, comforting spaces are accessible helps children feel safe, respected and ready to learn. These spaces also offer a secure base when children need time to regulate or simply reconnect before returning to play.
Ultimately, connecting with autistic children isn't about changing who they are. It's about recognising their strengths, honouring their communication and discovering the joy that emerges when educators follow their lead.
When relationships come first, learning naturally follows.
Members can download the Rattler issue 148, April 2025 (where an earlier version of this article first appeared) from the member hub.
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