Supporting young children to learn about bodies, boundaries and consent

The importance of language

Families and early childhood educators play an important role in shaping how children understand their bodies and relationships with others. The language adults use and the behaviours they model help children develop confidence, understand body boundaries (what is okay and not okay), and develop respect for others.

Teaching children the correct names for body parts in a clear, calm and matter-of-fact way helps reduce confusion and shame. It also ensures children have the language they need so they can speak up if something doesn’t feel right. Let them know it’s always okay to ask questions or talk to a trusted adult.

Children also learn by observing how adults interact. When they see kindness, respect, and good communication, such as asking before giving a hug, they are more likely to copy those behaviours.

It’s very common for children to ask questions or giggle about body-related topics. It's how they learn about themselves and the world.  A gentle response such as, “That’s a good question,” or “I like how you want to know, that’s how we learn,” lets them know they can talk openly and be taken seriously.

One of the most helpful things you can do is use simple, correct language when talking about bodies. For instance, if a child asks about a private part, you might say “That part of your body is called a penis. It’s private, which means it’s just for you. Sometimes a grown-up, like your mummy or a doctor, might need to have a look, like if it hurts or feels sore, but no one should ever touch you in a way that feels funny, scary, or yucky. If that ever happens, you can always tell me or another grown-up you trust.”

Personal boundaries can be taught through simple, everyday moments. For example, you could say:

If you don’t feel like a hug, you can say ‘No thank you’. How about a high five or a wave instead?

These kinds of conversations help children understand that their comfort matters and that they should also respect the boundaries of others.

Curiosity is a natural part of development

Sexual development in early childhood is one part of a child’s broader social, emotional and physical growth. From birth, children explore their bodies, notice differences in others, ask questions and learn through play and observation.

These behaviours are not sexual in the adult sense. They are part of how young children make sense of the world. Sometimes they will make mistakes or behave in ways they don’t fully understand.

Children aged five and under may:

• learn the names of body parts, including private parts (eg hand, penis, bottom, foot)
• explore how their bodies feel or move (eg rubbing their tummy, touching their private parts)
• notice physical differences between themselves and others, such as skin colour, body size or gender.

These behaviours often occur during play with children of a similar age and are developmentally expected. They are part of growing up and forming a healthy sense of self.

Supporting children in everyday moments

Sometimes behaviours surprise adults. It’s natural to feel unsure about how to respond, especially if something feels new or unexpected.

A calm, curious response helps children feel safe enough to talk about what happened and begin to understand boundaries.

For example, if a two-year-old grabs a toy, a caregiver might gently guide them by saying, “How about we ask Max if you can have a turn with his toy?”

If a three-year-old repeats language that seems beyond their years, an adult might respond with, “Those are big words. Can you tell me where you heard that? Let’s talk about what they mean and what you could say instead.”

This kind of response invites a conversation without shame and helps you to understand more about what the child knows or means.

Privacy is another concept children are learning. If a five-year-old touches their private parts during story time, an educator might quietly say, “That’s something you do in private, like in your bedroom at home. Let’s find something to hold during story time instead.”

When children test boundaries physically (eg by tickling, kissing, sitting on others laps) these moments become opportunities to teach consent.

Educators could say: “Let’s check if Sam is okay with that,” or “When someone says ‘no’, we stop.”

Working in partnership with families is important. Inviting parents to share the language and customs they use at home helps create respectful, open conversations about how children learn about their bodies, privacy and relationships. Within these shared understandings, introducing correct anatomical terms in a gentle, age-appropriate way supports children to understand safe touch, privacy, and when to ask for help.

When behaviour may signal a need for extra support

Most sexual behaviours in young children are part of typical development. However, sometimes behaviour becomes repeated, difficult to redirect, or begins to affect a child’s wellbeing, relationships, or learning.

Examples might include:

• A child repeatedly trying to touch another child’s private parts despite being asked to stop.
• Detailed sexual behaviours in play that are persistent and hard to redirect.
• A child touching themselves in a way that interferes with play or group activities.

When this happens, it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with the child. Behaviour is often a way of communicating. It may reflect stress, exposure to confusing experiences, changes at home, or other challenges the child is trying to process.

Taking a calm, curious approach and considering the broader context helps ensure children receive the right support early.

What to do if you're concerned

If you’re concerned about a child’s sexual behaviour:

• Stay calm. Children need your support and patience.
• Gently describe what you noticed. For example, “I saw you touch Mary's bottom, and she looked really upset. It's not okay to touch someone's private parts. It can make them feel uncomfortable”.
• Redirect gently. “We only touch our private parts at home. Let’s play with the blocks or read a book together instead.”
• Observe what happened – gather information such as when, where, and how, without jumping to conclusions.
• Help the child feel safe and supported. Let them know they are not in any trouble, and that you are there to support them. Let the child know they can talk to you and they are not alone.

If you're unsure what to do, talk to a trusted colleague or contact Safe Wayz.

Accessing further support from Safe Wayz

Safe Wayz is a NSW Health program designed to support children under 10 who have displayed problematic or harmful sexual behaviours, and their families. The program takes a trauma-informed, family-centred, and culturally responsive approach to supporting both children and their families.

It uses a public health approach, focusing on prevention, early intervention, and targeted support. Safe Wayz helps generalist professionals respond early and appropriately, and aims to equip professionals to respond to children’s sexual behaviours early, knowing that timely responses help get children back on track quickly and reduce the possibility of the behaviours becoming more entrenched over time. 

Who can contact Safe Wayz?

Safe Wayz is available to:

• Parents, carers and families
• Early childhood centres, schools and educators
• Health professionals, including GPs
• NSW Health staff

Support services include:

• Advice and information on sexual behaviours
• Counselling for children and families
• Culturally safe services, including for Aboriginal children and families
• Referrals to additional support as needed

How Safe Wayz supports families

Safe Wayz offers a safe and supportive space for families to talk about their concerns without judgement. The team helps to understand what may be behind the behaviour, and what children and families need to feel safe, confident and supported.

Counselling is available for both children and carers, helping to work through feelings, build skills and strengthen relationships. Support is always tailored to each family’s culture, values and needs.

For advice, information or referrals, contact Safe Wayz. Early support helps children get back on track — and ensures families and professionals feel confident in responding with care.

More information about Safe Wayz: https://www.health.nsw.gov.au/parvan/hsb/Pages/support.aspx

Further information from CELA: